I don’t write a ton of stuff on literary craft here. (I haven’t blogged a whole lot period in the last couple of months, I know.) But the Twitter chat I had with Ann B. Gelder, who spends a lot more time blogging about craft than I do, should prove of some interest to those who make the enormous life mistake of choosing novel-writing as a career. (Seriously, read her blog. It’s full of good stuff.)
I’m pretty sure this listicle was drawn up by a bitter unpaid copywriter who took one of those content mill gigs on Craigslist: 7 Signs People Dislike you. It includes advice like this:
6.Things are accidentally broken –
This might occur in a work or office location. If you always have things “accidentally” broken on your desk, or around your work space, this is another clear cut sign that someone in the office is not a fan of yours. If this is the case, it is in your best interest to report it if it is an ongoing thing, or if you want to avoid further confrontation, simply don’t bring expensive items in to the work place with you each day
I thought I’d pass along seven more bits of advice, because I hope one day to be one of those bitter, underpaid copywriters who wins a content mill gig from Craigslist:
7 (More) Signs People Don’t Like You
- Your coworkers take every opportunity to belittle, intimidate, or urinate on you.
- Your classmates, relatives, or coworkers chipped in to buy you a “We really fucking hate the person wearing this” T-shirt. (And there’s a matching hat.)
- When you ask the barista for a nonfat vanilla latte, she says, “My not spitting in it is a dollar extra.”
- You feel compelled to put an exclamation mark after your name to make you seem like a more interesting and dynamic person.
- At your wedding, your side of the chapel is empty. On the other side, your new spouse’s friends and relations are all dry clicking their pistols at you.
- At least twice a week, your lunch hour is a deadly game of cat and mouse.
- Your therapist has taken to calling you “Fuckface McSmegmafart.”
If any of these apply to you, stick it, asshole. You know what you did to deserve it.
From Anil Dash. I’ll just give you step one:
Be raised with access to clean drinking water and sanitation. (Every tech billionaire I’ve ever spoken to has a toilet!)
Read the rest. It’ll totally make you rich, or to realize that with a fair amount of geographical good fortune, familial stability, and a willingness to conform, you already are.