The maintenance staff in my apartment building recently replaced the brown carpet that used to cover the walls of my building’s elevator (carpet, you say, Gracie? Yes, carpet) with glue-on faux wood tiles, which, a week after installation, are popping off the walls and forming little piles on the elevator floor. After my trip to take out the garbage tonight, I came back wearing a couple of these wall tiles on the soles of my shoes.

When did Basil Fawlty start running my building?

I swear if the maintenance guy doesn’t get this sorted out soon, I’m going to insert a garden gnome into him.