It occurs to me, after several years of blogging and posting stuff on social media, that I never laid out the rules of my game. This matters primarily to people who hope I might friend or follow them. (Some people really are that deranged. I know.) So I thought I’d spill it.

1. The Will-I-Follow-Or-Friend rules vary by platform

Twitter: This is the social media platform where I spend most of my time. It encourages glib, shallow quipping, and I’m very good at that. On Twitter I follow pretty much anyone who I find interesting and who I think might follow me back. Interesting people unlikely to follow me back–why must my love for you be so one-sided, @WilliamShatner?–usually end up in one of my myriad lists.

Facebook: I’m here less often, though when I do my little internet game of “Name the Movie/TV show I’m watching right now”, I find it’s more fun here than it is on Twitter.

Because Facebook already crowds my feed with material from entities and people I’ve never heard of, I see no reason to invite more. So the basic rule for me is that I have to have spoken, in person, at least once to the person making a friendship request before I accept it or before I think of sending one to someone else.

Actually, I like Dan Kois’s method of limiting Facebook friendship to those whose birthdays he cares about, but right now that seems a little draconian, especially since I’m not sure of the birthdays of some of my closest friends. So I think I’ll keep my rule.

Those who don’t know me and would like to interact would be better served following me on Twitter, or liking either my author page or my MMIP Riffs page.

LinkedIn: I’m not on Linkedin all that much, though I have responded to a couple of group questions, and I try to keep my profile up to date. If I receive a link request, it’s likely I’ll grant it, usually with the kind of vague unease of wondering if I really don’t know the person I think I don’t know.

Google+: I have it. I have followers on it, but I’m not always sure who they are or if they use their profiles at all. (Me either.) For me, Google+ is mostly where I make half-assed, fumbling attempts to do Live hangouts for my Youtube channel before finally giving up and saying, “Let’s just do this on Skype and record it.”

Tumblr: I do have a Tumblr, but I have no idea how it works. I think my blog posts get copied to it in some fashion. Anyone who actually understands Tumblr is welcome to (briefly) explain why it’s a good thing.

Ello: Again, I’m on it, but I’m not sure what to do with it. If you’re following me and mad I’m not following you back, feel free to avenge yourself on me there. I won’t see you coming.

2. Political Posts

You’ll find that I’m at my most political on Twitter. This is a function of the followers I’ve ended up attracting. The ones who interact with me the most tend to respond well to (my) politics and my political humor.

I tend to be apolitical on Facebook, mainly because I have relatives who’ve friended me there. Honestly, who needs every day to be Thanksgiving?

I don’t post much anywhere else.

3. Interest in Becoming Part of A Shame-Mob

Zero. Regardless of topic. Regardless of how deserving the target seems to be. (Unless the target is Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, or Bill Belichick. Seriously, fuck those guys.)

4. What does it mean if I favorite or retweet your tweet?

If I favorite it, it means I thought it was funny or that I want to acknowledge and appreciate your last point in our chat while indicating that I have to go off and do something else now.

If I retweet without comment, it means that I’d like to give my followers a chance to read your work. Such retweets are almost always endorsements, so feel as happy as it’s possible for an endorsement from me to make you feel.

If I retweet with a comment, read the comment. It’ll indicate my mood.

5. What does it mean that I liked your Facebook post?

That I vaguely approve of whatever you said or did, but I don’t feel compelled to say anything more about it.

6. Will you like my Facebook page if I like yours?

No. It doesn’t hurt your chances, but I feel no sense of obligation about that.

7. Will you follow me on Twitter if I follow you?

See #6.

8. Where can I get a real sense of the man, the myth, the legend behind the profiles?

You can’t. There is no real me. I made me up.