Criticism, Movies, The Larger World

Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering? (Vengeance Is Mine Edition)

Sorry for the recent post drought. I know how many of you can’t make it through the day without knowing what, if anything, I’m pondering. Sadly, far too much of it has been in the vein of the Star Trek sequel is about a villain bent on revenge? Really? Again?!? The decision to give Torgo big knees probably took longer than this. “What does our antagonist want?” “Revenge.” “Good, great, let’s go with it.”

Some Star Trek seasons managed to go from premiere to finale without any of the antagonists declaring a need for revenge. Of course, the Abrams movies are set in an alternate reality–one in which every other being apparently constructs their lives from the example of one book: Sweeney Todd.

To read someone making more or less the same point, but with the trailer embedded, click this way.

Onward.

I’m honestly trying not to worry, but I do think that any plan that hinges on the current Congress’s doing productive work suffers from a fatal flaw.

Hubble looks back into the ancient universe, at galaxies that formed only a few hundred million years after the Big Bang, and they’ve found a man…at the edge of time…bent on…REVENGE! (I’ll take cash, Paramount.)

Film reviews rarely get reviewed, so if you’ve ever wanted to read one, seize this opportunity to read about the worst movie review ever written. For more entertainment, and good diagnosis of exactly how movie critic and accused troll Armond White goes off the rails, click here.

Someone tweeted the following at me: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars.” Well…I guess… Of course, long before that, your life support systems will fail, you’ll asphyxiate as your cabin’s oxygen depletes and its temperature drops, and you’ll die a horrible, freezing death. (And you can see the stars just fine from the Earth, because the Earth is already “among the stars”.) My advice: feel free to shoot for the moon, but before you take off, make sure all your systems are in working order, be damn sure that all your formulae are right, and quintuple-check that you’ve carried all the ones. Also, make sure your affairs are in order. Your earthbound relatives will appreciate it.

And, if anyone else messed up and caused you to miss the moon, make sure that someone on Earth is prepared…to exact…REVENGE!

Later.