When I was a sophomore in college, a person whom I will call Joey P. kept inflicting himself on me. He’d wave and greet me, sometimes from great distances. When closer, he’d press me to smile and cheer up. I loathed him with the white hot intensity of a trillion suns, and even today, thinking about him, I place him here in my overall ranking of carbon based creatures.
1,129,174 Flesh-eating bacteria.
1,129,175 Joey P.
1,129,176 That prick Holocaust denier who harassed me last year.
1,129,177 Tom Brady.
But as much as Joey P. bugged me–and friends, I wanted that prick dead many, many times–I understand that women have to eat this shit way more than I do. It was this that inspired the ever-funny Gemma Arrowsmith to create her latest sketch. Take it away, Gemma: