I’d Like To See Some Better Written Spam Please

Every so often I have take a small amount of time out of my day to delete the spam comments. And I have one request for the spammers. If you can’t find it in your hearts to brutally torture and kill yourselves, could you at least employ some people who can competently push a noun against a verb? Look at the dreck you’re putting out:

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Ugh. Where to begin. “I’ve been browsing on-line for more than three hours lately.” Lately? Does that mean you’ve recently developed the habit of browsing for more than three hours, or that you’ve just finished a three hour browse?

“Yet I never found any fascinating article like yours.” Yeah, the internet had nothing fascinating on it, yet you searched it for three hours before reaching my blog post on number theory. I understand. Math and science articles are impossible to find online.

“It is pretty worth enough for me.” The qualifier “pretty” seldom means anything, and it’s a big nothingburger here. Also, worth enough what? Time? Money? Funyuns?

“In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you probably did…” I probably did? What’s probably? Is there a chance my post isn’t mine?

To say that’s not writing that’s just typing is to overpraise this slop. I’ve seen more clarity of thought in the manifestoes of mental patients–or in Donald Trump’s twitter feed.

Spammers, hear me now. You’re time murderers. You rob internet users of little pieces of time that they’ll never get back. The least you could do is…well…pretty much what you’re doing, you indolent patches of mange. I’m asking you to go one better and aim, if not for great prose, at least for its less glamorous brother: competent prose. It might make you intestinal parasites a little bit easier to take.

Thank you. Now bugger off.

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